Roles in Relationships

Traditional vs. Egalitarian families. Years back, families were known as traditional families, but as time passed, they have evolved into egalitarian families, with some traditional influences. I think this is a great change for the society now, because women are allowed to do more things, such as getting an education, to finding a good paying job to support their families. The presentation said that about 71% of women work outside of the home now, which is a huge number from when women were only thought to be stay at home mothers. No matter how society has changed, it seems that the men want to still remain somewhat in charge. We got on the discussion of if the wife makes more money, what does that mean for the husband? Some men can accept that, and others won't hear of it because then they aren't the ones who are providing for their families. I remember someone saying in class that their mother made more money than her father, and the mother wouldn't tell her husband how much she made, because she knew it would upset her husband. So it seems in some instances the man might feel ashamed if they aren't the dominant provider of the family. I never thought about this too much in depth before, but looking at my family, my mother was the main provider for a number of years. She worked in NYC, and would stay down there half a week, so my dad was the stay at home dad taking care of my brother and I. I guess I knew this was somewhat different, but I never thought that much of it. And in how things turned out, I am glad that for most of my life that my father was around. Not because I didn't like my mother, but it gave me the chance to be close with my father as well. If my mother hadn't been away, I think it would be harder for me to share some things with my father that I do now, or things we do together. It was a great relationship builder for me. This is not to say that I don't have a great relationship with my mother. I do, she has now retired and is at the house all the time, still making some money, but my father now has a job too. I never thought to ask my father how he felt about my mother going out and making the money for the household, but I think having this "switch" of roles, was a benefit for all of us, especially my brother and I. My father seems very happy to be working and earning money for our family now, and with his working I don't get to see him as much, but the way I was brought up, I wouldn't have it any other way. I got the best of both worlds. So back to the traditional versus egalitarian families, mine is definitely egalitarian. Both of my parents cook, and clean. My mother does most of the cleaning in the house, and my dad does most the outside work, but they also do work inside or out together, so there is some traditional influences.

The Curse

I think it's funny how many names or words are associated with a girl's period: "the curse", "it's her time of the month" , "I got a visit from Aunt Flo", etc. When the sex education group did their presentation, the movie that they showed was about a girl getting her period for the first time. She thought it was "the curse" and if I remember correctly wasn't that fond of it. But when she first told her mother about it, her mother was so happy for her. The daughter had now become a woman. Along with growing up, there were certain things that a girl was limited to when one had their period. This movie wasn't present day, but it was interesting to see what the teacher taught to the girls in class about their menstruation cycle. The teacher stressed how important it was for the girls to look their most attractive selves when having their period. And I think I also recall a girl asking if other people know when they are having their period. The answer was no. I disagreed with some of what the teacher said, but that's just my opinion. Anyway, so if the teacher said that no one knows when a girl is on their period, wouldn't people guess something happened for a week, that the girl is much more "attractive" than other weeks in the month? I would think so. So it seems that they do want the boys to know, possibly, that the girls are having their period, because why would they tell the girls to look more attractive when they have it? Another thing I thought was funny, especially compared to now was a sign the teacher had, about the "Do's and Do Moderately During Menstruation". The things to do are showering or bathe, wash hair, swim, dance and picnic, and the things you can do moderately included skating, horseback riding, fast games, and square dancing. I think these are really funny because of what we can do now. I guess I understand that they didn't want anything to get too out of hand, or push anything, but you can dance, just not square dance? Their choices of what they should do moderately compared to what they are allowed to do are interesting choices. Another thing that was said in the movie was that a girl getting her first period is the first step of becoming a mother. That is such a huge statement, saying that girls are only meant to grow up to become mothers, nothing else. I know that this was 40 or some years old, so that was how women were portrayed, but in today's society, that would be a crazy statement to hear. Today, I am glad, that women have the right to get an education, and work just like men. And as much as menstruation cycle can not be fun, it's must happen. So hopefully it won't be a curse to all, just a reminder that we are growing up.

Sex Education

Sex education is a topic that has become more popular among these generations only because there are so many teenage pregnancies in the world. When growing up, I never had a sex education class, but in my health class, one of the topics was about sex. At the beginning of this groups presentation, they showed a video about this girl who wants to become older faster, and be just like her older sister. It shows how she tries on her sister's make up, and then a couple weeks later gets her first period. Her period meaning she has now become an adult woman. After the first period starts, the next thing mothers are concerned about is when their daughter, or son, starts to have sex. I think it is probably less concerning about the sons, unless he gets a daughter pregnant, but even so, in the long run, the man doesn't necessarily have to take care of the child, as bad as that sounds. The daughter if she gets pregnant has 9 month ahead of her, and then she has the child, so it seems like it's a greater worry for mothers of daughters who start to have sex. Abstinence is one of the teachings of sex education, and parents, even the government are realizing that abstinence isn't working as effectively as they want it to. Teenage girls are becoming pregnant more often, because they aren't told how to be safe, if they try it, which most teens have, or anything else. Because of teens becoming pregnant more and more, there are TV shows about it, Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant. Society is realizing what is happening, they are starting to address it, and it is more accepted than it would have been years ago. The government is now giving more money to schools to help those schools have more sex education classes for their students. It seems that having these classes in school, will help the students. Many students are too scared to talk about sex with the parents, so then if there is nothing offered in school, that student is on their own in figuring out what to do. Some of the students in our class even said that they never had "the talk" with their parents or if they did, it was really short, and uncomfortable. So then, if daughters are getting pregnant should we partly blame the parents? More schools aren't teaching abstinence, because they know that most teenagers will be having sex, so rather than tell the students that sex is bad, or they should wait until they are older, or married to have it, the students should be taught how to have safe sex. I think the government has now realized this so that is why they are giving schools more money to try and prevent further amount of teen pregnancies.

Gender And War

Last week's group talked about gender and war, which I think has become a growing issue among our lives today. We were split into groups and each had a different gender and war conflict to discuss. My group talked about how it was a big step for women to become suicide bombers. This was for a couple reasons, one: because no one thinks about women willingly giving up their lives. and two: because war or killing is usually done by the men, not the women. Even now that women are allowed in the army and allowed to fight, it doesn't mean that they are fully considered equals in the army. Women are still limited in doing some things in the army, as in being in the front line. This is because women aren't as strong as them men, and so in times of battle, if men are wounded or killed, and people are needed to drag the bodies, the women aren't strong enough to do that. Hence why they aren't allowed to be at the front of the line. Another topic about suicide bombers, whether men or women, is who convinces these people to kill themselves as well as many others around them. I know for myself, I cannot imagine one day strapping a bomb to my stomach, knowing I was going to soon be gone from this world, and along with me the people who are around me, when the bomb goes off. Taking such an action that would go in the news depending on how much damage I did, would make me remembered in a small way. But it is hard for me, to think of doing this, as I said before. Then again, it might be hard for us, here in the United States to think of killing ourselves, but some people are really committed to their country and their religion. Not saying that no one here does, but I think its a different aspect then here. True, the people who go off the war are risking their lives as well, but I believe there is a difference, because any one of the troops that are sent over seas have a chance of living, while a suicide bomber is going to die, no matter what. So back to the the female suicide bombers, I think that the women are showing the men, and other women in the world, that they are just as capable of doing what men can do. This was a step to "equal" ourselves in a way, but is it such a good thing to want to do? That is for each of us to decide!

Human Trafficking

Tuesday's class brought the first presentation of the year. And it was really interesting, but such a sad topic. I couldn't imagine having to research human trafficking without feeling so sad and almost sick inside. This topic is so powerful and so unbelievable that is lead to a great discussion about prostitution in class. We started talking how girls in third world countries are more apt to be put in prostitution than girls from the United States. Except if girls go abroad to travel and then they are taken that way to prostitution. When this was mentioned it made me think about a movie I had watched that dealt with teenage girls from the United States who went traveling overseas. Once they two girls landed, they met this guy who said that he would help them travel, but instead he lead his friends to their house and take them away. The movie was called "Taken". Once the two girls were captured, they were sent to a whore house to make these men more money. It was so sad that they got taken away to be drugged and then put in prostitution. The girl's friend, like many many other women or children in the world, didn't make it out of the house because she was so drugged up to be a prostitute that it wouldn't be worth saving her because she was so gone. I can't imagine being those daughters who are sold into prostitution to help a family get money for the rest of the family. I guess I kind of understand that a family needs money, and so the daughter should help in anyway she can, but selling her for prostitution is such a bad experience for the daughter. The daughter is at risk with so many things, the biggest is her life. The presentation was very informative about prostitution, and with the game, like candyland, showed how hard it was to get out of prostitution, without being hurt in some way.

David Radcliff

The other day in class, David Radcliff was able to come and talk about what he does. I was really glad that he came in to talk because I wasn't able to attend his presentation on campus earlier. What he does seems really interesting, and he experiences so much. Being able to travel, and see how people live, and from that try and help make women more equal, for example. He seems to run into many situations where the wife in a marriage gets beaten by her husband. He gave us the example of this Guatemalan woman that he met. She told him that she would have left her husband a thousand times if she could, but will not because her children. And to her, her children are more important, so she puts up with her abusive, cheating, and alcoholic husband. I couldn't imagine being in a situation like that, but it just makes me thankful for the place I live in, and that much more admiration for women who have been put in these situations, and are able to still see what is important, and not get discouraged. One of the groups Radcliff pays more attention to are the women, and this gets more and more interesting to me the more we talk about woman, and their equality. Many places woman are treated with no respect, or inferior to men. In many countries, girls are sent to the sex trade because of the family's economic shape. It is a horrible experience for the daughter because, they are put through the trade, and then when or if they finally are able to get out of the trade, they are scarred, and will not have "normal" lives. In one place, a company or organization is willing to give a family a piglet, if they don't sell their daughter into the sex trade, because when that piglet grows up, it will be worth the same amount as if they family gave up their daughter to the sex trade. And this way, the daughter is sparred from all the horrors of the trade that they would have to face. Two things that Radcliff said really stuck with me, because they were so powerful, and nothing like society here in the United States, especially where I live. One of the sayings was - "to be born a daughter is a lost life" To me that is such a hurtful, unfair sentence to women, or girls. It's almost as if the better thing to do, was if you can figure out what gender it is at a certain time, why not have an abortion, so those parents won't be disappointed. I know that is a little too far, but I feel that's how those people feel. I am sure they will care for their daughter, but at the same time, I am sure that daughter's life will not be great especially when certain situations come around where a son would have been better suited for the job. The second is who is the "boss" throughout the woman's lifetime. First her boss is her father, then when she gets married, she must listen to her husband, and then once her soon becomes of age, around the teens, she must listen to her son. Can one imagine how you can never think or act on your own, because you will always have a boss making those choices for you. I couldn't imagine it, and am glad that I don't live in Nepal, but am curious about how the women themselves feel there. I am sure just because our cultures are so different, that they aren't as upset about it as I would be, but I wonder if they just accept it because that is how it is, or if they like it.

Revolutionary Road

I recently just finished the movie Revolutionary Road. I don't know if anyone else has seen it, it has Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, one of the first movies they did together after Titanic. The two are a young couple trying to live during the mid 1950's, and how they deal with their problems. During the movie, the two decide to move to France, and "start" a new life, one that can be more exciting than their lives now. One of the main reasons they choose France, is that DiCaprio, as the husband, went to France, and loved it. He would love the chance to go back, and figure out there what he should do with his life. So the two agreed that this would be a good idea, and that the wife, Winslet would be working, bringing in the money to allow them to live in France. To me that seemed reasonable, especially because I know in my family, my mom worked in the city, so she traveled down each week, and would stay until her work days were done. That meant that my dad took care of my brother and I, and I didn't think anything of that. But this is out of the norm of society, true society has been evolving and it has become more acceptable, but especially for the time period the movie is set in, choosing the wife to go work, while the husband stays at home was strange. And to show how strange it was, there was a scene in it, showing the couple telling their best friends/neighbors that they were moving to France, and about what they plan to do there. Upon hearing this, their friends were supportive, but then when the couple left, the neighbors started to talk more about it. The neighbor husband, didn't believe that DiCaprio and Winslet would actually go through with the plan because it was so crazy. He said something like, I can't see the man staying home and not doing anything, while his wife works... his wife is suppose to stay home. And then the wife agreed with him, saying the wife should stay home. I understand that this was more the norm back in time, but just because of the generation I live in now, it is hard for me to think of not being able to go to school, and college, and having to stay at home all day, cooking, taking care of the children, waiting for my husband to come home. I don't think I could do that at all. This was a great movie, very powerful, but one can really see the gender differences in it. There are other small things about women too, such as Winslet was pregnant with the third children, and she kept saying how she didn't want it. How she wanted to have an abortion, and that they should do it before it gets too late. I know even now abortion is a huge controversy, so the fact that it was brought up in this movie, and it was the woman's idea to have it, made the movie more interesting. Especially because the norm is women should always want and care for children, and if they don't, it looks like something is wrong with them. I am glad I got to see this movie, but now i notice that the more I watch movies or tv shows, I really look for gender differences.

Princess Boy

On Colleen's blog, she showed a video of the family who has the boy who likes to dress up, and how the parents, teachers, etc feel about this situation. I thought it was really interesting to hear the different views because of they boy wanting to dress up. The interviewer at first asked the mother how she felt about the situation and it seemed that she was more concerned at first, not knowing what to do, or thinking that he needs to change. And then the interviewer asked the father what he thought about the son's situation. The father was very supportive of his son, and saying that no matter if he continues to want to dress like girls, or its a phase, he will always be there to there for his son. This was really interesting for me because the mother seemed more concerned about her son fitting into society, and worried about it him. It seems that she has accepted it more now, but I feel like whenever there are situations such as this one, that the father is the parent that is more concerned about the son, wanting him to grow up to like sports, and be tough. The fact that the father was more accepting of it, was very surprising but comforting as well. Another part of the interview that I found interesting was when the interviewer asked the son what he liked to do. Just because this boy wants to dress up, doesn't mean he isn't any less of a guy. True, it isn't a norm for a boy to dress like a girl, but I think it is becoming more accepted in society now. The son still likes to play basketball, and I was glad that they showed that he still liked "guy" things too, because I feel like when people hear about this story they automatically assume something is wrong with this boy. I am really glad that this book was published and the parents were open to getting interviewed, because I think this is an issue that is starting to arise in our society. Not necessarily boys dressing up as girls, but how men might do more feminist things (or vice versa) and how society should start to accept it. I know this can be a controversy issue, but maybe they don't have to even accept it, but understand that their way isn't the ONLY right way to do things. But I found this interview interesting in those ways, and hope that boy has a great rest of his life, which I am sure will happen, because the school and his parents are supporting him.

Good Girls Vs. Evil Girls

Last week in class we watched Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, comparing the evil step mother with Snow White. When we see the evil step mother, we noticed that she was more aggressive when talking with people, but was still beautiful in her own way. Also, she was dressed in dark clothing, and none of her body is showing so you can't see any of her figure. Her lips are bright red and match her red nail polish. Her voice was lower than normal, which is like giving her male attributes. As well, she is more mean and hurtful, and her aggression is put towards getting her own way. The evil step mother's plan is to hurt Snow White, which just shows another attribute she has, that she is mean to children, which women are suppose to love children. The evil step mother seems to describe what happens when women get too much power, or don't follow in her place in society. This movie seems to try and tear mothers and daughters apart, because the mother doesn't like the daughter. Apparently in the real story of Snow White, the evil step mother was actually Snow White's real mother, so the fact that in the movie it was changed, makes people wonder if they changed it because of the relationship aspect. In other young kids movies, there is an evil step mother as well, that treats one daughter worse than everyone else. Compared to her evil step mother, Snow White seems to symbolize what women should act like. She has a higher and sweeter voice, and doesn't look as scary as her evil step mother does. She never fights back, and apologizes for any trouble she has caused even if she wasn't the one who started it. Seeing the differences between these two characters in the movie, puts the movie in a whole new light. When you are young, you just see one of the women are bad, and Snow White is the good vulnerable one. but now looking at it in a different perspective, make the movie different. We also watched other clips of movies that portrayed women in different ways too. And now whenever I watch television, or a movie, I look to see how the women are shown, good or bad, or what language is used to describe the women.

To Be A Virgin Or To Not Be A Virgin, That Is The Question.

Being a virgin... being a slut, which is worse? Or which is better? Used to be that being a virgin was better, but now it seems the time have changed, and girls need to be both a virgin a and a slut. That seems crazy.. because how can we be both, without crossing the line? We could put on make up, and wear cute clothes that show off our bodies, but then if we attract multiple guys, we cannot be seen with all of them, especially making out with them. Some girls like to have all the options of having these guys around her, and then there are other girls who get all dressed up, gets a guy, and then doesn't want him. What should she do then? Women seem to get blamed for sending mixed messages in these instances of what types of clothing we wear. No girl wants to be considered a slut, so we try and be careful not to be with too many guys. And there are different types of sluts, like ones who have sex with all the guys, or make-out sluts. One of the guys in class seemed to think that a make-out slut is worse. When asking one of my friends, he thought the slut who has sex with all the guys was worse, but then when I told him that the make-out girl was a big tease, he thought about it again. And then decided the make-out girl was worse. We also talked about virginity.. and what are women really losing when she says she's lost her virginity. So what are we losing? Someone brought up in class that the we as women lose our commodity, because we have been "used". Is it really bad that because we lost our virginity we aren't as good because we had sex already? And another interesting fact is the guy takes our virginity away, women never take men's away. Another thing I realized is that it seems losing your virginity has changed over time. Years ago it was a big deal to lose one's virginity, and to some people, it is still a big deal, but I feel like many people don't care as much about it. And I think that is because different views and changes in generations. It seems like couples used to wait until marriage or until they are older to have sex, but now having sex is becoming more and more common, especially for the younger population.